Where Have All the Good Men Gone? The Truth Behind Modern Dating's Biggest Question
As a relationship expert who's spent years helping professional women find love, I hear this question constantly: "Where have all the good men gone?"
It's a valid question - but it's the wrong one to ask. Here's why.
The Reality Behind the Question
When we ask "where are all the good men?", what we're really saying is:
"Why can't I find someone who meets my standards?"
"Why does dating feel so difficult?"
"Why do I keep meeting the wrong people?"
But here's what I've discovered after helping hundreds of women transform their love lives: The good men haven't gone anywhere. What's changed is how we're connecting, what we're perceiving, and most importantly - how we're showing up in the dating process.
The Hidden Patterns
Through my professional l work, I've identified three key patterns that create this perception:
The Scarcity Mindset Trap: When we believe "there are no good men," we unconsciously:
Filter out potential partners who don't fit our exact criteria
Miss red flags in the wrong partners because we're afraid of being alone
Project past disappointments onto new connections
2. The Digital Dating Paradox Dating apps have given us:
More options than ever before
Less meaningful connection
The illusion of endless choice
Decision fatigue and dating burnout
3. The Evolution of Modern Partnership Today's relationships require:
Higher emotional intelligence
Better communication skills
More conscious coupling
Deeper self-awareness
Where Are They Actually?
The truth is, quality partners are:
Building their careers
Working on personal growth
Engaged in communities
Looking for authentic connection
Often feeling equally frustrated with dating
The Real Solution
Instead of asking where the good men have gone, try asking:
"How can I show up more authentically in dating?"
"Where do people who share my values spend their time?"
"What patterns in my dating life need examination?"
"Am I truly available for the connection I desire?"
Practical Steps Forward
Expand Your Definition Consider what "good" really means to you. Are your criteria aligned with your values or with external expectations?
Shift Your Energy Move from:
Scarcity to abundance
Judgment to curiosity
Fear to openness
Seeking to attracting
Create Meaningful Connections
Engage in activities you genuinely enjoy
Join communities aligned with your interests
Network with purpose
Stay open to unexpected connections
Develop Your Relationship Skills
Work on emotional intelligence
Practice clear communication
Address any attachment patterns
Build self-trust
The Bottom Line
The question isn't where the good men have gone - it's how we can create the right conditions for meaningful connection to flourish.
When we shift our focus from external searching to internal alignment, something magical happens: We start attracting partners who match our authentic energy.
Remember: The quality of your relationships often reflects the relationship you have with yourself. Start there, and watch how your dating landscape transforms.
Ready to Transform Your Dating Life?
If you're ready to move beyond the "where are they?" question and create real change in your love life, I invite you to join my upcoming masterclass 28/05/25: "How to Transform Dating Exhaustion into Effortless Flow."
In this transformative session, you'll learn:
The real reason you haven't found your equal (hint: it's not what you think)
How to maintain your power while staying open to love
The truth about which standards matter and which are keeping you stuck
And so much MORE!
Register for the masterclass here: https://brookerobertson.launchware.ai/exhausted-from-dating-apps-webinar/registration/
